Frustration
A word of advice to my lady friends: Never discuss weight loss or lack of weight loss with your husband. They just are not made the same and they do not view the scale in quite the same way as we do! Now I love my husband, he balances me out, he lifts me up when I am down, he puts up with me when I am cranky. Do not get me wrong, I adore this man, but sometimes he is so matter-of-fact and sensible that it angers me!
So many of you are already aware of this, but some may not know, I have PCOS which has caused or is exacerbated by insulin resistance. This is the reason we turned to adoption to have a child, my body is not compatible with pregnancy and after a few tries we took a break then found the boy who melted my heart with his little gaze and now calls me "mother" or "mama" depending on his mood :) So back to my point, with insulin resistance it is easy to gain weight around the belly, in my case a lot of weight. Some of my friends on here also have PCOS and insulin resistance but have cute little belly's, but alas I do not. So I am trying to lose some of said belly for health benefits and to fit in my clothes better, and to stop having people look at me cross-ways in judgement of how I got to be this size. Yes people do this when you have a bit more weight then you should or quite a bit more. But I digress.
Those that follow my Facebook posts and rants and funny stories are aware of my fitness quest that began in December of 2012. I have tried walking on Treadclimber, which I love to do, but decided I needed a more fun routine so I broke out the Zumba for Wii because some friends who are instructors who are always posting about how fun it is. My getting my butt to a class, in the evening, is next to impossible so I decided to try it at home. Along with the fact if I gave it up quickly no one would run into me in town and ask why I had not been back to class :) Well the good news is I became hooked on the fun dance routines. I am not some kind of movement genius, my son is the dancer in our family, but I do have fun and I noticed within a few sessions that I had more energy during the day. I noticed that I sleep better at night. I noticed some, not much, but some slight tone in my leg muscles. So I stuck with it. I miss now and then, but I get at least 5 nights a week in if not 7, yes I go for all 7 days of the week as much as I can. Some days I only do 20 minutes, most I do 45, and I am going to start working on the 1 hour classes with the option of doing a 20 minute or 45 minute class on nights I do not feel up to the full hour. So I now have muscle tone in my calves that I had years and years ago but had lost due to lack of excercise. I have tone in my thighs, I can actually feel the heads of my quadriceps--something really cool to feel when you have not felt them in a while. My arthritic knee is feeling better, for the most part, still aches and zings when I climb the stairs but the muscles around it are stronger. My ankles, which have given me problems for years feel stronger and I step sideways on them a lot less then in the past. After 2 months of doing my exercises I am gaining some strength in my biceps, not enough to look like Popeye, but enough to know that I have strength and baby bicep bumps. Still working on my triceps so that when I wave my arm or write on the white board they do not look like chicken wings flapping in wind :) I have the tiniest bit of tone in my belly, the top half has an actual muscle line, so my son calls it my one pack. I have the beginnings of a decent hiney again, it is not just a shelf between my spine and upper thighs anymore but there are some actual muscles in my gluts. So my belly and I are still in a fight and it is winning. I do jiggle, just slightly less, then when I began.
But I am at a point where I am frustrated. I am not losing an ounce. In fact I have gained some since I began, then lost it, then gained it back, now staying steady. I have not, until this point, altered my diet other to eat breakfast on a regular basis. I have skipped breakfast for years, which may very well be part of what led to my insulin resistance or at least exacerbated it. I try to eat a healthy breakfast now, usually I have a Greek yogurt every morning of the work week. Sometimes I will grab a Special K bar instead. I try to eat regular snacks while at work, Special K bars are an easy thing to grab. Sometimes I grab a Greek yogurt again. I try to ensure I get a lunch in there too, on a work day I usually have 2 Laughing Cow cheese wedges and spread them on Sociables crackers. As I sit and ponder I realize I really must cut back on my consumption of Coca Cola. It is my bane. It is my worst habit. I do not drink, I do not smoke, I do not gamble, I do not cheat on my husband, I do not do any of the other really bad things in life but I have a love affair with my Coca Cola. I drink at least 3-4 a day depending on if I am at work or home. It satisfies my thirst, then of course makes me thirsty again due to the diuretic properties of caffeine. So then I drink more. I am sure this is what is leading to my lack of weight loss. I know I am gaining muscle, which I know weighs more then fat, but it is frustrating to be working out and working out and see almost no progress. Sure it is easy to try to concentrate on the new contours on my legs that were not there a few months ago, but really I am the only one that knows they are there. It is easy to stare in wonder at the line on my belly, but then it leads me to look more at the rest of my belly and that leaves me feeling frustrated with my lack of progress as I still have a muffin top. I still jiggle during jumping steps. I know I am losing some fat, how you may ask, because my boobs are slowly, ever so slowly shrinking. I am sad about that one actually. It took me years to get up to a D cup, and now they are shrinking away. I still fill out that D cup nicely, and I do admit there is less back fat to fill said D cup so I can tolerate some loss of the girls.
It is just hard not to be discouraged at this point. So I have decided to see what else I can do to aid in my weight loss quest. Now do not get me wrong, I do not want to lose gads of weight. I am at 235 pounds, yes I just wrote that for the world to see. I would like to get down to around 160 pounds. I read on this site http://www.halls.md/ideal-weight/body.htm that my ideal weight is 162 pounds, vs. the 119 that the traditional charts show for my 5'3" frame. The 160 mark is much more realistic to me. At 35 years old I do not want to be a string bean. I am no where near the height of a super model. I am happily married and do not need to attract extra attention from anyone but my husband, who would think I looked fabulous in a gunny sack as long as I had my gun strapped to my hip :) But I would just like to feel better about myself. I feel as if I have let myself go over the years and I want to be attractive to my husband, even though he says I am attractive to him, I want to feel as if I am. I want to be less frumpy. I just want to feel better over all. This led me to doing some research tonight on if anyone with PCOS has ever lost any weight, any at all, with aerobic exercise. Wow, I do not recommend this to the faint of heart! Some sites are message boards where people have reported weight loss with aerobics, others site being told to massively cut calories. One poster stated her doctor told her to go on a 1200 calorie diet and do aerobics 5 times a week. She did lose about 50 pounds, but admitted it was very, very difficult to stick to 1200 calories a day. I mentioned this to my husband, in disgust, to which he said "well honey try it." He has no concept of how much 1200 calories really is. Based on previous measurements of my caloric intake I know I take in somewhere around 1800 to 1900 daily. The problem is that most of my calories do come from carbs, which with my condition is not a good combination. So, I searched a few more sites. For the most part what I came up with is that it is very difficult to lose weight when one has PCOS. It is often a combination approach that works. The best seems to be decreasing carbs, but not cutting them out completely, ensuring adequate protein intake, and regular balanced meals. This paired with aerobic exercise and some strength training, not enough to make one bulky, but enough to add on some muscle tone which will help decrease weight from the muscle increasing metabolism and burning fat for energy. So now I have some good news, but some bad too. I am going to have to buckle down and cut back on my Coca Cola consumption if I am going to lose any of my belly. I may even need to consult a physician about adding Metformin, an oral anti-diabetic medication that works well for insulin resistance which I have been on in the past. Of course that leads to other issues as we have no health insurance at this time and do not qualify for any kind of reduced rates as far as I know. But may have to buckle down, save some $$ and see the physician soon for a medical opinion. I am hoping that keeping this blog will give me the outlet I need for expressing my frustration at times, my joys and triumphs, and sharing for someone like me to know that it is possible to make changes in your life and it can be frustrating but to stick with it! I know there are others out there, in the same boat as me, who may need a little inspiration and who may be able to inspire me. So here goes nothing!
So many of you are already aware of this, but some may not know, I have PCOS which has caused or is exacerbated by insulin resistance. This is the reason we turned to adoption to have a child, my body is not compatible with pregnancy and after a few tries we took a break then found the boy who melted my heart with his little gaze and now calls me "mother" or "mama" depending on his mood :) So back to my point, with insulin resistance it is easy to gain weight around the belly, in my case a lot of weight. Some of my friends on here also have PCOS and insulin resistance but have cute little belly's, but alas I do not. So I am trying to lose some of said belly for health benefits and to fit in my clothes better, and to stop having people look at me cross-ways in judgement of how I got to be this size. Yes people do this when you have a bit more weight then you should or quite a bit more. But I digress.
Those that follow my Facebook posts and rants and funny stories are aware of my fitness quest that began in December of 2012. I have tried walking on Treadclimber, which I love to do, but decided I needed a more fun routine so I broke out the Zumba for Wii because some friends who are instructors who are always posting about how fun it is. My getting my butt to a class, in the evening, is next to impossible so I decided to try it at home. Along with the fact if I gave it up quickly no one would run into me in town and ask why I had not been back to class :) Well the good news is I became hooked on the fun dance routines. I am not some kind of movement genius, my son is the dancer in our family, but I do have fun and I noticed within a few sessions that I had more energy during the day. I noticed that I sleep better at night. I noticed some, not much, but some slight tone in my leg muscles. So I stuck with it. I miss now and then, but I get at least 5 nights a week in if not 7, yes I go for all 7 days of the week as much as I can. Some days I only do 20 minutes, most I do 45, and I am going to start working on the 1 hour classes with the option of doing a 20 minute or 45 minute class on nights I do not feel up to the full hour. So I now have muscle tone in my calves that I had years and years ago but had lost due to lack of excercise. I have tone in my thighs, I can actually feel the heads of my quadriceps--something really cool to feel when you have not felt them in a while. My arthritic knee is feeling better, for the most part, still aches and zings when I climb the stairs but the muscles around it are stronger. My ankles, which have given me problems for years feel stronger and I step sideways on them a lot less then in the past. After 2 months of doing my exercises I am gaining some strength in my biceps, not enough to look like Popeye, but enough to know that I have strength and baby bicep bumps. Still working on my triceps so that when I wave my arm or write on the white board they do not look like chicken wings flapping in wind :) I have the tiniest bit of tone in my belly, the top half has an actual muscle line, so my son calls it my one pack. I have the beginnings of a decent hiney again, it is not just a shelf between my spine and upper thighs anymore but there are some actual muscles in my gluts. So my belly and I are still in a fight and it is winning. I do jiggle, just slightly less, then when I began.
But I am at a point where I am frustrated. I am not losing an ounce. In fact I have gained some since I began, then lost it, then gained it back, now staying steady. I have not, until this point, altered my diet other to eat breakfast on a regular basis. I have skipped breakfast for years, which may very well be part of what led to my insulin resistance or at least exacerbated it. I try to eat a healthy breakfast now, usually I have a Greek yogurt every morning of the work week. Sometimes I will grab a Special K bar instead. I try to eat regular snacks while at work, Special K bars are an easy thing to grab. Sometimes I grab a Greek yogurt again. I try to ensure I get a lunch in there too, on a work day I usually have 2 Laughing Cow cheese wedges and spread them on Sociables crackers. As I sit and ponder I realize I really must cut back on my consumption of Coca Cola. It is my bane. It is my worst habit. I do not drink, I do not smoke, I do not gamble, I do not cheat on my husband, I do not do any of the other really bad things in life but I have a love affair with my Coca Cola. I drink at least 3-4 a day depending on if I am at work or home. It satisfies my thirst, then of course makes me thirsty again due to the diuretic properties of caffeine. So then I drink more. I am sure this is what is leading to my lack of weight loss. I know I am gaining muscle, which I know weighs more then fat, but it is frustrating to be working out and working out and see almost no progress. Sure it is easy to try to concentrate on the new contours on my legs that were not there a few months ago, but really I am the only one that knows they are there. It is easy to stare in wonder at the line on my belly, but then it leads me to look more at the rest of my belly and that leaves me feeling frustrated with my lack of progress as I still have a muffin top. I still jiggle during jumping steps. I know I am losing some fat, how you may ask, because my boobs are slowly, ever so slowly shrinking. I am sad about that one actually. It took me years to get up to a D cup, and now they are shrinking away. I still fill out that D cup nicely, and I do admit there is less back fat to fill said D cup so I can tolerate some loss of the girls.
It is just hard not to be discouraged at this point. So I have decided to see what else I can do to aid in my weight loss quest. Now do not get me wrong, I do not want to lose gads of weight. I am at 235 pounds, yes I just wrote that for the world to see. I would like to get down to around 160 pounds. I read on this site http://www.halls.md/ideal-weight/body.htm that my ideal weight is 162 pounds, vs. the 119 that the traditional charts show for my 5'3" frame. The 160 mark is much more realistic to me. At 35 years old I do not want to be a string bean. I am no where near the height of a super model. I am happily married and do not need to attract extra attention from anyone but my husband, who would think I looked fabulous in a gunny sack as long as I had my gun strapped to my hip :) But I would just like to feel better about myself. I feel as if I have let myself go over the years and I want to be attractive to my husband, even though he says I am attractive to him, I want to feel as if I am. I want to be less frumpy. I just want to feel better over all. This led me to doing some research tonight on if anyone with PCOS has ever lost any weight, any at all, with aerobic exercise. Wow, I do not recommend this to the faint of heart! Some sites are message boards where people have reported weight loss with aerobics, others site being told to massively cut calories. One poster stated her doctor told her to go on a 1200 calorie diet and do aerobics 5 times a week. She did lose about 50 pounds, but admitted it was very, very difficult to stick to 1200 calories a day. I mentioned this to my husband, in disgust, to which he said "well honey try it." He has no concept of how much 1200 calories really is. Based on previous measurements of my caloric intake I know I take in somewhere around 1800 to 1900 daily. The problem is that most of my calories do come from carbs, which with my condition is not a good combination. So, I searched a few more sites. For the most part what I came up with is that it is very difficult to lose weight when one has PCOS. It is often a combination approach that works. The best seems to be decreasing carbs, but not cutting them out completely, ensuring adequate protein intake, and regular balanced meals. This paired with aerobic exercise and some strength training, not enough to make one bulky, but enough to add on some muscle tone which will help decrease weight from the muscle increasing metabolism and burning fat for energy. So now I have some good news, but some bad too. I am going to have to buckle down and cut back on my Coca Cola consumption if I am going to lose any of my belly. I may even need to consult a physician about adding Metformin, an oral anti-diabetic medication that works well for insulin resistance which I have been on in the past. Of course that leads to other issues as we have no health insurance at this time and do not qualify for any kind of reduced rates as far as I know. But may have to buckle down, save some $$ and see the physician soon for a medical opinion. I am hoping that keeping this blog will give me the outlet I need for expressing my frustration at times, my joys and triumphs, and sharing for someone like me to know that it is possible to make changes in your life and it can be frustrating but to stick with it! I know there are others out there, in the same boat as me, who may need a little inspiration and who may be able to inspire me. So here goes nothing!
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